Behind Closed Doors "Poetry"

I don't consider myself a "poet" in the slightest, but sometimes my feelings are so heavy on my heart I just need to write in raw form, forgetting syntax and conventions, just letting it out however it comes out. That said, I scratched this down on scrap paper on the way home this weekend:

Behind Closed Doors

You see me

so well put together

You see me

as if nothing ever happened

I tell myself

"I'm okay"

"This isn't so bad"

Then I leave

and I'm ambushed by these feelings

You see me

with a smile on my face

and its genuine,

then.

But then I leave

and I'm ambushed by these feelings

"What was I thinking?

I can't do this any more

I can't play two faced games

I can't be dishonest with myself

Tell myself I'm fine one minute

then guilty the next"

I think its helping being with you

but I'm not so sure

because these feelings remain

behind closed doors.

You see me leave

but behind closed doors

I'm breaking apart

tearing down

and numb,

tears streaming down my face,

which is wretched in pain.

I put up a good front

with you

for you

for me

but behind closed doors...

I can be me.