How to Help Someone Who Is Grieving

A little excerpt I found on hopeforthebrokenhearted.com. Some very good advice here if you are wanting tangible ways to help others who are grieving.

HOW TO HELP OTHERS

Almost everyone worries about what to say to people who are grieving. But knowing how to listen is much more important. You don't have to fill up periods of silence with words that you feel might rationalize their loss. Let them express what they are feeling whether it's anger, if they have questions, the pain, disbelief, or any guilt they may be experiencing. Oftentimes, well-meaning people avoid talking about the death or mentioning the deceased person. However, the grieving need to feel that their loss is acknowledged, it's not too terrible to talk about, and their loved one won't be forgotten.

While you should never try to force someone to open up, it's important to let the griever know they have permission to talk about the loss. Talk candidly about the person who died and don't steer away from the subject if the deceased's name comes up. When it seems appropriate, ask sensitive questions – without being nosy – that invites the grieving person to openly express his or her feelings. Try simply asking, "Do you feel like talking?"

• Accept and acknowledge all feelings. Let the grieving person know that it's okay to cry in front of you, to get angry, or to break down. Don't try to reason with them over how they should or shouldn't feel. The griever should feel free to express their feelings, without fear of judgment, argument, or criticism. Remember, everyone grieves differently...on different time tables and everyone's grief and experiences are unique.
• Be willing to sit in silence. Don't press if the grieving person doesn't feel like talking. You can offer comfort and support with your silent presence. All that is necessary is a squeeze of the hand, a kiss, a hug, your presence. If you want to say something, say, "I'm sorry" or "I care".
• Let the griever talk about how their loved one died or their story of loss. People who are grieving may need to tell the story over and over again, sometimes in minute detail. Be patient. Repeating the story is usually, a way of processing and accepting their new reality.
• Offer comfort and reassurance without minimizing the loss. Tell the griever that what they're feeling is okay. If you've gone through a similar loss, share your own experience if you think it would help. However, don't give unsolicited advice, claim to "know" what the person is feeling, or compare your grief to theirs. I have heard of people telling someone, "I know how you feel losing your grandmother, my cat just died." Yes, they are both losses, but hardly the same and this definitely, will not make a grieving person feel better!
• Don't be afraid to cry openly if you were close to the deceased. Often the grieving find themselves comforting you, but at the same time they understand your tears and don't feel so alone in their grief. When there is a divorce, it not only affects the immediate family, but also friends and extended family. There is a ripple effect in the loss and many may be grieving a loss associated with a divorce.
• The griever may ask "WHY?" It is often a cry of pain rather than a question. It is not necessary to answer, but if you do, you may reply "I don't know why." It's better to not say anything that to give pat, cliche answers!
• Recognize that the griever may be angry. They may be angry at God, the person who died, the person that left, the clergy, doctors, rescue teams, other family members, etc. Encourage them to acknowledge their anger and to find healthy ways of handling it.
• Be aware that a grieving person's self-esteem may be very low.
• When someone feels guilt and is filled with "if onlys", it is not helpful to say, "Don't feel guilt." This only adds to their negative view of themselves. They would handle it better if they could. One response could be, "I don't think that you are guilty. You did the best you could at the time, but don't push down your feelings of guilt. Talk about it until you can let it go.
• Depression is often part of grief. It is a scary feeling. To be able to talk things over with an understanding friend or loved one is one factor that may help prevent a person from becoming severely depressed
• Give special attention to the children in the family. DO NOT tell them not to cry or not to upset the adults.
• Be aware of the physical reactions to the death or divorce or loss (lack of appetite, sleeplessness, headaches, inability to concentrate). These affect the person's coping ability, energy and recovery.
• Be aware that weekends, holidays and evenings may be more difficult.
• Consider sending a note at the time of their loved one's birthday, anniversary, death, or other special day, if it is for someone that has experienced death. (For a divorced person, their wedding anniversary, the day the divorce is final, the day their spouse left may be hard days). Better yet, take them out and do something with them on these dates. To be alone on these days can be overwhelming. To be included with others on Father's Day, Christmas etc., helps them to feel not so isolated. If the griever is now a single parent, help the children get them presents for Mother's Day/Father's Day/Christmas. A person misses those things and it makes the children happy to be able to give gifts to their parent. Another date you might consider remembering someone dealing with loss, is on Valentine's Day. This can be an incredibly depressing, lonely day as a person becomes acutely aware of their loss and how they are now alone.
• Don't avoid the griever. This adds to their loss. As the widowed often say, "I not only lost my spouse, but my friend as well." Many people have told me how their grief has been compounded by people staying away, simply because they did not know what to say to the griever. Also, don't assume that they are being taken care of by others and you will be just in the way or imposing. Usually, after a number of months pass, the support dwindles. Email, cards, letters, phone messages, charitable donations are appropriate ways to let the the person know you are thinking of them. 
• If a family is having to move as a result of their loss, go and help them pack, clean, move, prepare their new place etc. Go with them on moving day. Help them unpack and organize their new place. I can tell you from experience, when you are forced to move and it is not of your choosing, it is incredibly depressing. That first night in our new place, my son and I both cried ourselves to sleep. The fact that we moved to a fixer upper did not help. We looked around us and felt our loss and missed our beautiful home we had moved from. If you know someone is moving into a fixer upper, get a team together and go in and help the family in need. A move and fixing things up is difficult by itself. To do it while you are depressed and grieving just makes the task that much more difficult and overwhelming.
• CHECK IN with the griever. It helps immensely to the griever to let them know that you are thinking of them and wondering how they are doing, what you can do to help, and just letting them know you care.

WAYS TO SUPPORT GRIEVERS DURING THE HOLIDAYS

Not only are they trying to cope with intense feelings of grief, but they are also struggling with the stress and pressure of the holiday season. They might be struggling with depression if their financial situation has changed drastically from their previous holidays and they are unable to provide for their children.

1. Write a note in your holiday card recognizing the holidays will be difficult without their loved one this year. Just this simple acknowledgment provides support. Others may be telling the griever to get on with their life, or suggesting that since it's the holidays, they can't be depressed. Recognizing the loss is validating and validation provides support.

2. Support the choices the griever is making in regard to changing holiday tradition. Many people find it too painful to participate in certain parts of the holiday ritual. Making changes in how they will celebrate allows them to honor the holiday and celebrate it in a way that does not feel like salt is being rubbed in their wound. It can be hard to go to family functions when every one is joyful and happy when that is not how they are feeling. It also might be stressful if there are gift exchanges and they are not able to participate in that in the way they once were. They might be feeling their losses in many different ways.

3. Send a gift in honor of the loved one the family is grieving. A remembrance album or a memorial garden kit are two thoughtful suggestions. A gift in honor of the deceased provides family and friends with a comfortable setting to reminisce and honor the memories of their loved one.

4. Be available to listen. So many grieving people need the opportunity to talk as well as be heard. If you are a good listener you have an excellent gift to share with a grieving person 

5. Offer to go with the griever to holiday functions. Having someone available to talk to or make faces at across the room can make many holiday gatherings easier. Remember to be available to leave early if the grieving person finds she just can't take any more and needs to leave.

6. Our first Christmas alone, my son, who was eleven at the time, said to me "Mom, I don't care if I don't get any presents, I just want people to come to our house and it be like Christmas here." We were used to having people over during the holidays and it being a festive time. We were now living far from our friends and family with no kids in our new neighborhood. We had not been in our new location long enough to have made new friends. It broke my heart when my son said these words. Members from my mother's church, made an hour drive to come bring my son presents, to sing us Christmas carols and to share Christmas cookies with us. Another friend, who doesn't even normally celebrate Christmas, came and spent Christmas Eve with us so that my son would have someone to share Christmas morning with. I will forever be grateful for these acts of kindness!! Please take time out of your busy schedule during the holidays to think of families that have been affected by loss and see what you can do to make their holidays brighter and less lonely as they feel their loss in multiple ways.

- See more at: http://hopeforthebrokenhearted.com/how-to-help-others/#sthash.8IFhZ195.dpuf