The fanny pack impact...finally!

You know how they say you change as a person when you lose someone you love? Like, you are never the same person again. You change, most often for the better, but you are definitely not the same person you were before. Well, its sort of a surreal phenomenon to me, but I am one of "those people". I can't even believe it, but I see myself changing, both physically, mentally, and spiritually. My outlook on life is changing. I just wanted to share with you a couple examples of this change and how it manifests in my life.

I am so happy to say, this is my first blog post on explicitly stating what impacts Evan has left on me.  You can read the original blog post explaining what the fanny pack impact is all about here. It took 2 weeks short of a year for me to get to this place. And its not just one thing, its many. I am blown away at how he is impacting ALL facets of my life!!! Not just a couple intangible things, but several real, tangible changes. Remember how I set out to explore the Fanny Pack Impact in writing this blog? I wanted to find what Evan's lasting legacy was, or is, and how people were inspired by him to make changes. Thank God, I've finally got some to share with you... :)

The FIRST Impact I have to share with you is that I've gotten healthy. I started Weight Watchers up again the first week of the school year in August, and have been on it ever since. I am SO happy to say I've lost (depending on the day) between 25-28 pounds. Woohoo to committing to a healthier me. I've even been running and training for a 5k my family and close friends are running in honor of Evan in two weeks (race day just so happens to be his one year anniversary of his passing).

What inspired the change? Okay, brutally honest time here. A couple years ago, I remember my little brother, fresh out of rehab and with a honest and real outlook on life, asking me "Shannon, have you let yourself go?" I was totally shocked and even a little hurt that he would ask that. I mean, yes I had gained weight since getting married, but was it THAT bad? (The answer was probably yes, even though I didn't want to admit it).

But that was Evan for you. He was the mirror to your inner conscience that you didn't want to face, but confronted you about it anyways. And it was never vindictive (at least the couple years when he truly became a better person and became a man). He was only trying to challenge you into becoming the best person you can be (as it says in his class prompt, which so happens to be written about the same time he asked me that question). He challenged not just me, but my dad, mom, and sister to all become better versions of ourselves. I'm sure he challenged his friends too. He was challenging because he was caring. Something I of course didn't realize until he was gone.

So, back to healthy. Yes, I'm down many pounds. And I'm going to go at least until I get to my wedding weight again. But he inspired me to reign myself in, to work out, and to make life more meaningful. He had just committed to becoming vegan a couple weeks before his death. He saw it, and made the change. Now, I see his change, and I'm making the change. Thank you, brother :)

Here's a before and after. I plan to do another one when my journey is complete :)

The SECOND impact I've been so blessed to make is thru my job. I first graduated with a teaching degree in Dec. 2008, tried for three years to get a Social Studies job before realizing it wasn't my dream anymore. My current job has inspired me to go back to school to teach Elementary. I went back to school and got my second license a year later. How's this for perspective: 4 years later, and no Social studies job. No sooner than 3 weeks after getting my elementary license? I get a fricking job!!!! Coincidence?! I do. not. think. so!!!!

It was absolutely positively no coincidence that I finally got a full time teaching job the same year my brother died. I know now I was given a gift. The job I got was a gift from my brother and from God. God was saying, "See? I had a plan for you all along, I just wanted to give it to you at the right time." Evan I believe was saying, "See sis? Now you have been given this gift to inspire others. Thats our purpose in life, to leave a mark on others. Now its your time to leave a mark on these children." I also think that they both knew that I would NEED this job to keep me going, from not spiraling into depression and despair. They knew it would give me incentive and motivation to keep going, day to day. I had known for a long time, I was destined to teach. But I have just learned that through teaching, I can inspire others like my brother inspired me. And for that, I thank both God and you, Evan. Thank you for this gift <3

my new school, where I get to "leave my mark"

The last impact, I can at least think of for now, is that I am starting to appreciate beauty around me. Not just appreciate it (because I did do that before) but to look at the same picture in a whole new light. I see the process of this thing we call life in almost everything. Sunset, weeds, expired milk products, lol. I see so many things as having a beginning, a middle (their life, their fullest), and an end (which I know for our loved ones, is only just a beginning). I want to explain more on this subject in another blog post. Stay tuned for some amazing changes, and even more impacts, my brother has left on my life!


PS I'm too lazy to read for typo's. Blame it on my cold. Sorry :)