Its been awhile

So, first I got busy.

Then I forgot my password.

Then, I got busy. {again}.

Story of a bloggers life, right?

I'm just glad I am able to login again and have a place to write my thoughts down.

What thoughts? uh....yeah....about that.

The last time I blogged was in September I think. How's my grief journey been, you ask? Uh...its just a little ironic that blogging is about getting out your thoughts and feelings, and that I, uh, haven't really had much thoughts or feelings. I mean, if I were to pick a list of words that describe my grief journey in the last few months it'd probably go something like this:

void. for the most part- emotionless. experience outside myself. did that really happen? if it did, how come I'm still a fully functioning person? disbelief. shock (still). hard to accept reality (still). is he really forever gone (still)? missing him an UNBELIEVABLY immense amount. to the point of physical hurt and longing.

but-
time goes on. yet my experiences stay the same.

I want to say I want to pour out my emotions to you, I'm a wreck inside still, I can barely get out of bed, yada yada. but that just not true. if anything, I'm just...

...

being.

i live my life. do the work thing. do the wife thing. do the daughter, sister, friend thing. I just...be. Just like my life before all this happened. I don't get when people say their lives are turned upside down. Yes, I have had my moments of gut wrenching, utter despair, and IN THOSE MOMENTS ONLY I feel like my life has been turned upside down. But AS A WHOLE, AS A MAJORITY,

my
life
continues
on.

They say Time Heals.

I guess they are right.

but I still can't believe it ever happened.

and its been 10 months.